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Why Filipinas are marrying Western men

It's been a talked-about that Filipinas; are marrying western (old) men for money/opportunity, but we all know that people simply can't generalize. Now here let me share my thoughts on that. It's humiliating to think that the general public look at us; as if we only married our husbands for money. Well, let's just say that we all have our ways of going about our business. Basically with me, I married my husband because I knew that I would have a better life-in the process be able to help my family back home as well-and so would my children to have a better future being fathered by someone who is much more capable and responsible (this Filipina 202 is a good article about my point). You see I have seen a number of bad examples at home that I was afraid I would wind up in the same boat. Anyway, we can't deny the fact that most people are new to the idea of a young woman having an old husband. It is taboo; I mean considered out of the ordinary. So, that is why it hurts when people are judging. I know it feels bad. However, with me I am only being honest especially with my husband since we obviously did not start off being in love with each other. I see it as love can grow when given a chance between two people that met through correspondence. And, of course, we grow to love our husbands once we are with them-that is if they treat us right.
As for my husband, he stated that being married to western men in which we don’t have to work so hard for what we have (unlike when they were younger that they worked around the clock to have what they have now) is in a way just like receiving benefits. It is being looked at the same way that we are on Social Security by having our husbands provide for us and help our family back home. That is what he was getting at, only he went on to an extent where he sounded personal to you (Rissa and Jen R.). Our situation has been perceived by so many people particularly in the Western world as a way for us to have a better life. Some Filipinas can only voice out their thoughts anonymously, that they married their husbands for a better life (or so to escape poverty) because they didn't love their husbands at first like what I read on this BLOG Post and I found different opinions on this FORUM. I understand that love can not only be found in our country, but there are people who think that it is simply a lie because of the downside: that we start sending money back home on a daily basis. So people think we would be in denial if we have to dispute that. No matter what we say, they rule it as “action speaks louder than words.” We can’t really reason with them who are seeing our marriage as a “business arrangement”. We don’t have to say anything for them to otherwise judge and in this Western Men & Filipinas Forum you'll read so many people doing exactly what I am talking about.
From what I can understand, a lot of western men who are married to Filipinas are complaining about how hard it is to manage supporting the whole family because they wound up marrying their wives' entire family, too. "I am finding out that it is harder on us Filipinas though because it is very rare that a husband would agree with supporting our family back home for who knows how long. Perhaps for as long as our people are alive, but only if we allow them to become dependent-I think we are trapped there." So many things has happened in the past and still going on up to this day that we can no longer get through to people with fixed opinions. The "YOUNG FILIPINO GIRLS MARRY OLD MEN FOR VISAS" have been polluting our reputation. Arguing against what people call the “truth/fact” is simply impossible. Although I must say that I am opposed to what some people do; generalizing because it is wrong. I know that we all married our husbands in different ways and with different reasons, and with me; I am just being truthful. I let my husband know firsthand that I wanted a better life, so I chose him (as he needed a better wife and I needed a better life...LOL) and as a result; it is a trade off with us. My husband and I are upfront, so we tell it like it is. We both entered our marriage with good intentions. By the way, I actually share the thought of a Filipina on this topic "WHY MANY FILIPINAS PREFER TO MARRY OLDER WESTERN MEN" because indeed they are more honest and open-minded.

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11 comments:

jennyr said...

Hi An, nagsugod nako submit sa akong resume at an agency last tues. Naa ko test this Tues. raw for typing, word, excel and all that. We'll see if there's anything out there for me. As for my father, dli pa pwde kay wala pa man iyang SSN. It takes 2mos daw to get it.

Regarding your entry naman, nice of you to be honest. I've known people who got different motives to marry a kano. 1 - stepping stone to America, 2 - to support their family back home, 3 - met online and so on and so forth. My husband naman, he simply saw on PBS about Philippines and noticed the beauty of Filipinas. He even asked for a copy of that tv show! After that, he started searching online...I guess nakita niya nga naa pa mas gwapa sa kana, joke!hehehe! For me naman...honestly, I lived a good life sa Pinas, when my father was in Kuwait, we get whatever we want and he provided us a good education. That's why naka skwela ko sa Ateneo pero ako ang tulibagbag...so many distractions sa pag-aaral rin na pinagkaabalahan pod nko,hehehe but when I have a neighbor who married an American guy {I was just 14} I kept asking how she found the guy. When I found out that you can send in pictures para magkapenpal, my father opposed to that idea but I was stubborn and of course noh wla gidawat akong application kay 14 pa gud ko, LoL! My ate naman who is just a yr older than me got no interest. Then by 17 I tried again to post a picture and faked my age -18,LoL! Ingon ana ko kainteresado mocorrespond og kano...nakauyab pod mga pinoy pero wla nawala gyud skong mind nga makauyab kanu,hahaha! Daghan2 pod nakabisita sa akoa sa Pinas pero kang David ra nko nafeel ang chemistry. Although our marriage isn't perfect noh pero our foundation was pure LOVE and I'm not fabricating that. I'm telling you my side of story kase I know we all have different stories here, different motives, different backgrounds, so just like you said...we cannot generalize. Dli man pod mi blinded ni hubby nga naa gyud marriage all for visa and money but we don't give out comments that might hurt them kase they might have fallen in love along the way or learned to love each other as they lived together...so, for those who has that story in their lives...bless their heart for working out their "business marriage" into love, for the kano who cared for the pinay and for the pinay who did not leave their kano hubby after she got her visa,LoL!

Ana P. S. said...

I share somewhat of your thoughts about being young wanting to have a Kano bf ha, I was about your age when I also started...LOL. I was inspired by the union of my cousin na she and her hubby looked so sweet ba at comfy life. However, she met her husband sa Pinas kasi on a business trip daw (may 2 Western bfs siya taga New York ang usa-they visited her uban uban niya), then she also had mga bfs na pinoy before kaso napili pod niya ang Western man. Nasa New Zealand siya ngayon-she brought her sister na nga doon eh. She got married at 23-24 at husband niya ay the same age-ang gwapo. Ako cousin metizahon kaya ga double double ang mga BFs-believe gyod ko sa mga wapa ba. She and her family had a good life back home din with one of the most big beautiful houses around, jeepney pa noon, but she still decided to marry her husband. It must depend sa preference. Ako din we didn't starve lang naman pero mahirap pa rin sa Pinas kapag no jobs around, my siblings gani mga college graduates kaso 'la gyod mga work around-di man work nga ila gi eskwelahan ila jobs ron. That is why the more I saw my relatives marrying Westerners, the more I became open-minded that Westerners are a better option. Nakuyawan sab ko makabana og lasinggo, smoker, at wife beater. I was push lalo na nga I felt like I was in danger with a man na anak sa high school principal pero addickon man tawon, sos, kuyawa nako kay sige man siya naka atang nako, asking for me, he wanted to court me, but I didn't think anything serious would come out of it eh. Gwapo naman, perahan, may motor, jeepney sila, pero sos, rugby addict-ma victimize pa nya ko eh. Sa uban naman mga kababata ko, di naman sab maasahan, always naka tease sa akoa (puppy love daw)-but siguro kasi bata pa (di din allowed sa amin magka bf young due to the fear na baka mag-buntis na walang ama)-mahiyain din ata eh mga boys sa amin kasi when it comes to serious talk di na ata alam anong gagawin; namomotla at di kayang sabihin ang ibig sabihin parang matutunaw na as in...LOL, so, I didn't hesitate nalang to marry a Western man-namahala nalang ko. If to say I waited around, oo Pinoy gyod ako nabana, siguro a high school sweetheart-I hoped. I was hard to get-pero dahil na rin ang subrang kulit ng mga lalaki sa akin; I hurt one of them physically pa kay nangurot at nangolata naman ko being sawang sawa na, kahit na wapo pa sila-it was awful. I wanted them to behave and respect me eh, seryuso dayon ko ba-maldita na ila tawag nako. As for my husband, I decided to take him as I figured na, as long as two people gets along, treat each other right lang, we can always work it out that we will grow to love each other. Pang one time deal gyod ang amoa, ma love or not, we try to work it out nalang, kay choice namo eh, we married by choice. We took chances, it's paying off lang naman, we are learning to accept each other's ways slowly. But, of course like you said, every marriage has a problem gyod, di maiwasan mag away-we've been there so many times na.
Kalingaw baya imo story, and how nice eh na you and your hubby may chemistry gyod, naa bitaw nga makita mo lang the first time, parang na crush ka na, may magnetic force between you na is bringing you two together. Hay, the game of love maka lingaw ang iba-ibang stories.
Ok ah, good luck sa job hunting mo, naa sab dire agency, sos, ning tawag ko, almot $200.00 naman tawon bayaran nako, grabe. I am realizing though na, amo baby still too young, di pa marunong mag potty kaayo og di pa kaayo maka talk, di ko comfortable na iiwan. Sponsored blogging nalang muna ako banat until that time na ok na ako anak maka manage sa sarili nya lalo na I plan to visit home by that time. Sige, thanks for sharing your story.

Merydith said...

Well said An and I like your post, it is up front no pretensions. Ako on the other hand was because of preference. I have always admired the beauty of western men, it is not that there is something wrong with the Pinoys. There is something in them that I really loved. I was looking but not in a hurry. Ok ra man sad ko kong sa ato ra sad ko since I already started teaching in an international school. I kind of miss teaching pero my life is here naman. It is obvious baya nga naa jud uban naay bad motives in coming here pero goodluck nalang nila. Di lalim ning magpuyo nga unhappy. Anyways, thanks for the visit and take care.

rissa said...

i was surprised to know that your marriage is a "business arrangement" but i admire you for your honesty. i can see where you and your husband are getting your opinions from. however, this does not give any of you especially him to generalize. it doesn't also mean that those who are in-love and happy with their marriages aren't truthful. i am aware of the fact about other pinays too but the thing is this whole "filipina marrying western man" wasn't really the main issue. it was the fact that your husband couldn't back his statements so he resorted to attacking people personally. honestly, i couldn't care less what you or the other pinays' reasons for marrying your/their husbands. it's none of my business whatsoever. i think what i would like to say is that if you have the guts to write something controversial, be ready to back your statements without resorting to any negativity such as insulting/attacking people personally. we can always disagree on things in a healthy way. besides, what fun would it be if we all agree on same things?

Ana P. S. said...

Hi In, thanks for sharing your side of the story ha. I appreciate it. We all have our views and I am only making a point that the general public sees us Filipinas being mga gold digger unya mga husband perverts, so masakit baya oy, pero saon kay mao man na ila tan-aw sa mga Pinays. Dah, we can't do anything na kay ang uban man god imposing kaayo, they will hurt people gani kong di mo take their side eh. Anyway, nalingaw ko basa sa imoha story. Bitaw I agree na they top sa beauty in the world, I share your thoughts about that. Mga gwapo og gwapa, who can possibly resist...LOL. Mao iba iba ang reasons natin for marrying our husbands. I made my post to get my point across lang naman ah. Ok, kind regards dyan!

Ana P. S. said...

Hi Rissa,

I am talking about people in general seeing our marriages as a business arrangement and that we need not to explain anything. Neither you nor can I ever convince people that we married our husbands because we loved them, etc. I am sharing how the general public views our situation having old husbands. Anyway, you were talking about people being lazy because they just sit around and wait for the Gov. to give them money (which is exactly what you told my husband), but my husband considers us to be in the same boat being that we are also on the receiving end. So he just basically hit you with the same thing that you hit him. That is why if you think he is receiving money without working so hard for it, he figured that just look who is talking. When, in fact, you are doing the same thing, the fact that your husband is providing you without going out there hustling and bustling so much. Only the difference is he worked all his life to earn his social security and now he is only reaping his benefits. I mean really I admit and I don't even need to explain it that we are on social security for simply being married to our husbands because we benefit one way or another. They provide us the security we need and the good life we have here. So, I am not only talking about me being seen as having a marriage that people call a business arrangement. We can see that when we go out with our husbands in public just by observing how people react around us, so that is common knowledge. My husband did not talk about anything he has nothing to back up with, only you asked for him to actually know Barack Obama personally (which is way beyond reason) before he can make any comments about him being a good guy, etc. Well, the thing is, he can at least see him on TV, judge his character and all by how he carries himself with his beloved family and that is good enough for now. He doesn’t make any assumptions on Barack Obama being out of sight-which is paint a picture if he hasn't seen him. That is all really, but when people talk about the serious matter as to actually indicating that Barack Obama is a Muslim and a Terrorist, and then hey, it is a different story. That is considered stepping out of line when you have no proof because you are talking about a personal matter that only if you know him personally can say that-my husband defended Barack Obama there. It is more serious than making a comment about how nice Barack Obama is. There is really nothing about what my husband said that requires actual facts. Instead it seems that you are the one that needs to get your facts straight because you don't seem to understand how Social Security works. And another thing, what are you devastated for talking about the election, does that mean that people will now go wild and start killing their babies? Come on, we know better than that. Barack's point is just a safety measure in case of emergency that the mother's life is at stake. That is because usually they go to an illegal abortion clinics being operated by quacks in which the mother and the fetus both dies. Now that is not hard to understand, but then it is a different story with you. It is just like in the Philippines; people there would rather pop out babies than prevent themselves from getting pregnant in the first place by taking pills. But no, that is not according to the bible or God, so they, of course, multiply only how sad for their children to die right away because they have nothing to feed them. Naku! It is more painful for me to have to see my children go. Di ko kaya. I am not one for abortion either if to say di ko ikamatay lalo na I have small children already to look after. Anyway, we all just understand things in different ways. My husband only responded to you mainly for how insulting you sounded to him in which you happened to fall in the same category. He felt that you insulted him, so he also found a way to hit you back with something that puts you in the same place. Ok ah, adto nako, this is all a matter of how we take things and how positive our attitudes are towards things.

rissa said...

ur absurd and combative rhetoric is just trying to convince urself that we're all the same but we're nothing alike and will never be!

Ana P. S. said...

Indeed, I am afraid that we’ll never come to a conclusion in which we would agree with each other’s opinions. You’re right, that we are nothing alike, because I for one; couldn’t see myself with saying people are being lazy just because they are getting their Social Security Incomes (it’s not welfare by the way in case you are only confused)-that they worked so hard for, all their lives-and that the U.S. Gov. is stealing money just because it wants to secure its people’s well being. Also that I am not devastated because Barack Obama won the election and for what he happens to believe in. Yep, I couldn’t complain about the Americans at all getting their benefits as if I am working my tail off out there paying for them-if I do I’d be happy to that I am able to help somehow. I know it very well that I came from a humble background and what it’s like to be struggling not just because I’ve been through it but because I see it happening in the world. It is apparent to me anyway that “it is only easy to say but hard to do”. There is at least one simple rule I know and that is “when you’re in Rome do as the Romans do”-it’s just that simple. Okay, it’s good that we know we are very different from each or one another. That’s what I’ve been talking about, that being different sets us apart and that it makes all of us special in our own way. I am not telling you that you are the same as me or anybody else for that matter, because my husband was only pointing out that if you think he is sitting around being taken care of by the Gov. Well, that is why his reply indicated that…just look who’s talking! Now he happened to push your red button there and you went ballistic by calling him names. He found out right there and then that you can be mean, and so talk about being absurd…LOL.

P.S. I never said we are all the same which is why I said we all have our own story, preference, etc.

Merydith said...

An you know what is funny? I never cared what other people think of us Filipinas marrying westerners nor was I ever hurt. Yes kasing edad ra nako akong bana pero limpyo akong conscience and never guilty with anything. Basta lang nagmalipayon ko sa akong kinabuhi diri bisan unsaon pa nila ug comment di jud ko affected. Anyways, you made a good point but at the end what is important is the union between you and your husband and not what other people think and said.

Dauphine said...

Hala basta ako Ann, I am happy to where I am now, I am married to a man who is much older than me, there is nothing wrong I see. I am even so proud nakakita kog lalaki sa buhay ko na I think is right guy LOL! He is indeed the right guy. I don't care what other people say about me and my hubby even we are holding hands outside. What matters most is that we both know our feelings. Lisod e explain para sa mga tawo na lain og hunahuna... I am proud to say my hubs is 27 older than me pero wala kaming grabeng away which hoping none in the future din. We are one happy family. I don't know about the others basta kong happy cla susupportaan nalang.

My hubby is supporting my family back home every week... wala man ko nangayo niya, makita lang niya na maguol ko which is muana man pod sya unsa daw problema nako problema niya.. so go na to. If sad daw ko eh mas grabe syang maapektohan. I don't see anything about money or ooportunity issue about filipina marrying a western men dahil sa totoo lang kayod parin tayo once we are here in US to survive. Nasa mag asawa nalang kong ano ang agreement nila on how to make things work out. Kong love niya ang asawa niya at makakaya na suportaan ang pamilya sa pinas why not go ahead.. It is much much better nga yan eh... yong nga sabi nila na I will do anything for you LOL! kong wala naman eh okay lang din.. anong maiibigay kong wala talaga.. It is up to the couples lang talaga yan kong anong sabot ba. Anyway sorry nakikisali na c manay hehe... goodnight!

Oi exchange naman tayo nang link.. please tell me if you are willing.

Ana P. S. said...

To you Dauph and In-in, sumulat lang kasi ako about this dahil sa we sort of debated about the U.S. Government giving assistance to its people in need and some awful assumptions about the new president elect. My husband read the comments saying "it is stealing from the rich and giving it to the poor, so they can be lazy" with also hearing if "you don't work you don't eat"-from other Pinay...and it all got him going. He felt compelled to explain the issues and stand up not only for himself; being a retiree, but also for others alike who are receiving their Social Security benefits. However, in the process of him discussing the issue he used the example that Filipinas who married Western men are also receiving benefits. He made a point that being married to our husbands who are providing for us and making our lives better is in a way like being on Social Security. So if Rissa is talking about people being lazy because they get benefits. He thought...well, aren't you in the same boat? According to my husband he was insulted by the responses he received especially from Rissa and that is why he went on to an extent where he sounded personal. He said it all as plainly as possible, and so, it escalated.
As for me, there is no doubt that I wanted a better life; may it be that I married my husband for money, etc. It doesn't matter because I know love isn't impossible, furthermore, we are both happy enough if we get along. I made my choice and took chances because, yes, I couldn't see myself being married to someone I may be in love with but goodness, it was not looking up for me there.
Okay, thanks for sharing my story, everyone! It's good that I am not exactly attacked in overwhelming numbers here by those who are opposed to my topic. I am only sorry that it came down to this level where we have to dispute and explain ourselves. What's next?

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