--=Ana's Cyber Retreat=-

Indeed, as perhaps that is what happened to someone in my family back home. My uncle suddenly died just yesterday; the 26th in the Philippines. We are guessing that his cause of death is a heart failure. He had a heart attack and died instantaneously. Some people die instantly if they are having a heart attack. Just like with what my husband was telling me that one of the good basketball players died instantly of a heart attack. He was shooting the ball in the air and fell to the ground already dead. Also the man that my husband considered his surrogate father died of a heart attack right in front of him. He said that the man died instantly and did not even know what hit him. At first, he had a minor heart attack and recovered for several minutes, and then he was asked if he was aware of what is happening to him, he simply said "no". He didn't feel a thing nor know he was having a heart attack at all. And when he had another heart attack shortly after-a massive one, he died. Some heart attacks are actually instant and painless if the person having it doesn't even know it nor feel it. If my uncle died of a heart attack, then I hope he had the same thing; that he died painlessly. He was at least not murdered and I am thankful he didn't go that way. All his pains and sufferings finally ended. May he rest in peace and may it be better on the other side of this human world if there is such. It saddens me to see people like him go as he is not even very old. We will surely miss him dearly, and it was nice to see him again even just in the pictures.
Life is ever so unpredictable, that is why we need to enjoy our time here as much as possible and while we can do so. "Live life each day as if it is your last" as the saying goes. So we should live it up if we can for tomorrow we may not be here. Here today gone tomorrow as people say it. Okay, see you next time.

What a surprise for me to hear my sister Nora uttering that our cousins in New Zealand finally visited home. We have two cousins residing in New Zealand. They are sisters and one of them is still very much single este married na pala eh just this year-she is my sister Nora's age. The other one is married with two adorable children. I hope we get to see them again even if only in the pictures. And if they come to visit my family back home, we would be able to see them live on webcam. I am so looking forward to see them. They are gorgeous, you know, as they inherited their father's Spanish look (the Spaniard's legacy in the Philippines) being fair-skinned with prominent noses. So they are fortunate to be viewed as beautiful physically. Some of my cousins are lucky to be both tall and beautiful. In my father's side of the family, I have cousins who are as tall as 5' 6". Anyway from how we all look at things differently, our opinions really differ as to how we define beauty. My definition of physical beauty may not be the same as how others define it. I have had numerous times when the people I think are beautiful totally look different to my family members. They have just the opposite of opinions which always brings me back to learn that "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". However, since western features have been capitalized as the highest standard of beauty, we tend to get carried away with thinking that beautiful is if the person looks more western. We are given the pre-defined beauty that became our standard for beauty in general. But then it all goes back to the eye of the beholder to solely tell if one is beautiful. Not you nor I can tell the other person who may differ from what we think is beautiful. Just like with what happens to me each time I show someone I think is beautiful or handsome, my family members don't always totally agree with me. It's disappointing if I have to say, that I can be thinking this guy is gorgeous, yet, to others he is just the opposite...LOL. Okay, back to my cousins. Well, I am wondering how they have changed especially when it's been years since we last saw one another. I heard that they look even more beautiful now. There is no doubt because more often than not, good looking people can only look better and some are lucky enough to grow old gracefully. I'll have to share my cousins' pictures here if I get any.

At long last; after 3 years, one of the 3 men that fled from the authorities for brutally murdering my uncle have been apprehended. Wow! What a good news that is for my family and me! Nobody can pass up the reward money, of course, because otherwise nobody would want to help. That is how things go; it takes money to get things done these days. Now there are 2 more men to go. I am hoping they will all get caught soon and be punished for the heinous crime they committed. No crime should go unpunished, not anywhere in the world. Anyway, I am just so glad that my effort to be able to help my uncle is paying off. He deserves justice.

It's the opposite in my country that we are buying a house for our parents, but yes, that is because we are better off. Over here, most parents buy a house for their children, but then again, it is because they are rich. So we are just the opposite back home. Oh, well, that is life in a poor country and when you are poor. Anyway, Nora and I are buying a house, we are going halves on it; I mean we share all the costs. My brother in law Nora's husband made it all possible since he is putting up the money for Nora's half and for mine. Only, of course, I pay my brother in law back for my share. How nice because he is willing to help and that is one of the best things about having a brother in law who is kind enough to do so. We are all happy that we will finally have a house in the city. Before we can only rent and way back then lived on a farm and small village. We own a farm and a good size house there but my parents decided that it is time to upgrade...LOL. Really, it is because my siblings can only go to college in the city nearby. If it is not that my siblings will need a place to stay in the city for a long time. We would not have to feel like we need to buy a house in the city. We all like it though since whoever can visit home will have a place to stay and save the money from having to get a hotel room that costs just too much. Yes, too much when you don't have a lot of money to spare.

My emotions sometimes get the best of me and that is when I am more open about my life. You see, when I talk about being open, that usually include a little of everything. I don't like to cover up. I just want to be more natural and since I am only human with emotions, surely I make mistakes. I like to be more upfront with people. After all, life is not complete without both the bad and the good. I am simply sharing what life is like with me that I constantly deal with people that think just the opposite of how I think. Their logic is much too different than mine and I struggle with what to do and how to get through to them. I am always left explaining and defending myself to make my point. Why is it that it matters for me to treat others the way they want to be treated, when it doesn't matter how they treat me? That is my problem because things can only go one way or no way. Who is to say they are right anyway? As an individual, each of us should be able to do what we please. What gives them the authority and right to judge others? Tell other people what to do and how to live?
In life, we should be more accepting and not worry about what others have and what others do. We should simply mind our own business and keep doing what we do. Live and let live. There are no rules to follow because we are the only ones that know what is best for us and for people around us that might be affected by our actions. If it is a matter of being fair, as far as I am concerned, I will be fair if to say I am giving money in general as spending money. When it comes to helping people I help those in need and not give everyone equal amount of money because I am worried that one might feel left out. For goodness sake...that is utterly silly. I don't see it that way. I will only see it that way if to say I am giving money just for the sake of giving money away, like on birthdays or holidays. If I am helping my father pay his debts, then, that is because he has debts to pay and not because I am giving him money to spend while I left my mother out-didn't give her money to spend. That is where my family back home is missing the point.
It would be like if my father had an accident and I needed to give him money. Well, will I need to give my mother the same amount of money, too, just so I am being fair? Instead of covering for one problem, I am covering for two. So, that is ridiculous. I am only being helpful but instead it is not doing any good but bad because all I get is problem-the kinds of problems that I don't need. So, yep, that is what gets me with my people back home. I can't do anything without one of them feeling left out...LOL. Oh...can I ever do anything right on my own, if people think like that? That is the downside with the people where I am from. I have to watch what I do or say; otherwise I am condemned, judged, unfair, no good, etc. I love my family back home but when they think and act like they do, I am disappointed.

I called home to catch up with my mother who told me she was going out to the farm when we chatted, but I wasn't able to catch up. My sisters answered the phone giggling. And I could tell they were not taking me seriously. I felt disrespected and it was like I called for nothing. Well, until my sister Gemma's voice came up and told me that I treat people unfairly. I help our parents unfairly and well, that did it. It made me furious. I was raving; talking out loud. I got really aggressive and serious. I explained to Gemma though that I don't need to explain anything. When I help, I help because I want to and not because I need to. It is simply not my responsibility to help. I don't need to give or help anyone if I don't want to. Moreover, I help when I see it fit. My father owes money here and there sometimes, but I give him money to pay his bills just as I give money to my mother to pay their bills to be able to stay in the city and have food to eat. But goodness! It doesn't mean I have to meet all their needs and give them the same amount of money as if their problems are the same. So, I told my sister that if our mother is not happy about me helping our father pay his bills, then perhaps our mother can do what our father is doing. Because then I would have a reason to give them the same amount of money.
I guess giving them money every month to pay their bills isn't enough, but then my father has nothing like that. I don't give him money every month to pay his bills like that. So...ugh! I am fed up. I have had it with the way my people think. I can no longer stand how they think and how they make me feel. I am trying to help and then I come out the bad guy and that an unfair person on top of it all. This is too much for me to bear. I might stop helping altogether, so I won't hear anyone complaining and bickering over who is getting more help from me, etc. I don't give money for the sake of giving money; not unless it is for a birthday or a holiday. I am sick, I tell you. I am sure a lot of my fellow Filipinas feel the burden and the hassle of how their people also think. It is quite common after all.
By the way, it also insulted me when my sister Gemma just hung up on me. Oh, that irritated me even more. What have I done to be so hated like this? Helping my family back home seems to only give me problems and not joy as like it should be. I am supposed to be enjoying the joy of giving. And certainly not the misery of how I make people feel. That if I help, everybody needs to have the same problem. So, of course, I can give them the same amount of money. If one likes to live in luxury everybody should. Our father is not exactly a saint and he does cost me extra money for how he operates. So, I will have to talk to all of them and tell them that for now I will take a time off. I cannot help them because I should just help myself. I have too many things to worry about than worry about who is not getting the fair treatment. When all I do is try to help those who need help depending on how much they need. I can't just give money away all equally for the sake of worrying about how the other might feel. Not once that when one of them told me they owe money I didn't help or let them down. This is really getting to me...irking the heck out of me. This is why if they feel that I haven’t helped enough, then perhaps I may not help them at all-at least while I have my own problems to solve.

I wish a happy birthday to my youngest sister Rosalie. Oh, I almost forgot that she just had her 14th birthday yesterday, but here in America we are celebrating a day behind. So, happy birthday to her...I wish her the best in everything she does as a young girl. It is fun to be a teenager and I hope nothing bad will happen to her. I wish her a continued good health and long life. I hope she can read this post. I am proud of her. She is very smart. In fact, she received awards in school and speaking of grades, she did very well. By the way, she is very pretty and I miss her so much. She accompanied me when I was staying at the Bethel Guest House back in Dumaguete city and so as our aunt who was with me almost the whole time as well. My mother, sister Gemma, and Nemia came to stay with me whenever they had a chance, too. My sister Nora for some reason never did-that was strange. Anyway, my little sister was really fun to have around for sure and I can still remember her combing my hair...LOL. She surely enjoyed it there when she was just a little girl-at the age of 4 years old. Oh, it's too bad she grew up without me ever seeing her in person again. She is a sweetheart. Okay, this is all. I just wanted to extend my warm birthday greetings to my sistah and want to let her know that she is loved a lot more than she will ever know.

Today is the 13th; it is the day my older brother Rob was born. It is his birthday here today, but it was his birthday back home, yesterday. It is amazing how the time zone works, it is night time in my homeland now, but it is day time here in the U.S. now. I was amazed when I found it out as I never knew that before. I think it is neat. The other part of the world is almost a day ahead of us here. Anyway, it was my brother's birthday yesterday and since he lives too far away, I could only give him a call and greet him a happy birthday, good health, etc. I used to send some money but I do that only when I can and have extra money. I wish my brother to join us online, so he can make some money, too. Just what a waste it would be if he couldn't, he really should take advantage of the time. After all what's to worry about when I am here who can give them a hand, guide them, and all. So all they basically have to worry about is learning and writing in English. If my younger sister Nora can do it, then hopefully both of my brothers will follow.

Hi, everyone! Here let me share about my sister who recently joined us in the blogosphere. I helped her get a blog and finally be able to earn real molah soon. So how nice, at least that will come as another helping hand to our family back home. Anyway, as like I have said before that I am not as religious as the rest of my family-maybe not anymore. My sister's site has lots of her religious thoughts and praises, etcetera. If you find it uplifting to read religious blog, surely her blog is all about that. Her English is not as well spoken as those with others who are highly educated who went to a much advance school, but she is trying her best. She also hasn't learned a lot like we have that are used to writing and speaking English now. So, yep, that goes to show us that we can never compare our abilities to those who are just starting out. Okay by visiting her blog at "Nemia's Chronicles of Life", it will at least inspire her and encourage her more to be better and stronger with making it in the blog world. I tell my siblings that as long as they treat me with respect and treat me right, I am always here for them willing to give them a hand; guide them and point then in the right direction. We can't possibly disrespect and abuse our siblings that have done nothing but helped us, right? We don't get along and have disagreements at times, but none of them has reached my boiling point yet...LOL. So, I am still here...LOL.

Having an addiction doesn't at all mean that a person is useless but somewhat irresponsible in a way that there is no self-control. It takes a will-power and adamant attitude to be able to take control of the things we do. And not to let ourselves get out of hand, especially when we have children to worry about. We have to be responsible for our own actions. Well, anyway this topic brings me as to how strangely some people actually think in general from what I am learning. See, my father is viewed as useless and irresponsible for not bringing home the bacon anymore and for not being able to control his drinking whenever he does drink. He smokes, too, by the way which sums it all up for him to be more like an outcast-labeled as a bad and irresponsible father. I am not saying he is an addict, but drinking alcohol and smoking tobacco/cigarettes is addictive. An addiction is something you keep doing and can never seem to control even if you try, though; there are people that can break away from it. It is an addiction when it takes more than just a will-power but a rehab to stop or quit. My father might need it I tell you, because he doesn't always have self-control. However, having people around him that talks to him harshly and in disgust much less disrespecting him is not going to help but make him worse. It will only push him farther into the deep end. I can understand if he doesn't want to quit, but I would like to see him take control of himself and not let his habit control him. And not let people drive him into the ground in the process either. That is why I thought I would jot down a little about such issue that goes on in my family and that I deal with, back home. It is sad when people look down on you just because you are not able to live up to their expectations and measured up to the standard they believe everybody should go by. There is no set standard really, not that I know of anyway. I don’t usually go by what others think is important and what they think is best, for only I know what is best for me. And that I can only live within my means, of course. Nobody should have to live up to other people’s expectations because you can only do what you can base on your own terms; to the best of your knowledge and ability. As for my father, people in our hometown think that individuals like him are useless and irresponsible that can do nothing other than cause trouble and misery. It saddens me to hear comments that I think is out of ignorance and not by realizing that someone can only do so much and sometimes you can only be contented with what someone can do for you. Nobody can always meet our expectations nor can we fulfill or meet theirs; someone else's or other people's expectations. We can't be what others want us to be. That is life; you simply can't have it all!!!

My siblings graduated from high school and college this year. I just want to convey my congratulations on this post. Finally they finished their vocational courses; actually just a secondary course, since both my brother and sister decided to take the same course which is being a "computer programmer". Well, we will see about how they will do. I just wish them the best and will look forward to hearing about their successes. I hope they can use their skills. It will be awful to go to college and then end up working an unskilled job anyway, which would be bad. But, of course, it is becoming common now that you can't find any work related to what you went to school for. Sometimes there are just no jobs around for you. It is normally the case in my country that people who are highly educated have no choice but work at burger establishments. That is sad. My brother went to school taking a Bachelor of Science in Office System Management, but he never was able to find a job related to that. So he had to find a job that he can do just to survive. Going to school in the province doesn’t seem to make a difference. It is almost like a waste of time and money-that is according to me, unless one can afford to go to a nursing school, etc. to get a much higher level of education. Everybody else below is dead beat.

My parents are not getting along well; they really didn't get along very well for as long as I can remember. And they are thinking about getting a legal separation or annulment of marriage now. So, they requested me to help them out with making a decree of dissolution of marriage or divorce. It is actually a legal separation or annulment of marriage. Only in the U.S. it is called divorce, but a legal separation is in no way different, just a different term. I don't know how people can say in the Philippines that a divorce is not permitted when in fact; a legal separation or annulment of marriage is the same thing-a process in which a couple wishes to live separately or apart. Does a term make a difference to call such situation different than the other? It is the same to me. Don't tell me that once you marry in the Philippines, you can only separate and never be able to remarry or marry another person you fell in love with? That is strange...LOL. Anyway, that is how I understand it.
Now as for my parents, their marriage is coming to an end soon. My mother can no longer tolerate my father's nonchalant behavior. She along with my other siblings think he is all for himself. He spends money and let others benefit while his own family is not having such a good time. It is confusing to me and some of the things I hear are nonsense. So, I just don't say anything because I am not really there to witness whatever is happening with them. And I don't like to obligate my father, when we are all grownups that do not need his tending. For all I care, he can do as he pleases. I don't care because what I care about is that he is happy with what he does as long as he is not hurting anyone. If people have problems with him, then perhaps that is because they couldn't mind their own business. What authority do they have to tell another how to live anyway? But I guess my family; my mother and siblings still require him to be more responsible of his family. Be mindful as much as possible that he shows them they matter. Maybe my father failed to show them that, so, they are somewhat hostile to him.
I can't say what is really wrong with my family, but whatever is bothering them. It will have to end for the sake of peacefulness in the family. I want everyone to live in peace and go on with their lives which include my parents. It is enough bickering and start living with everyone being contented and happy. An annulment of marriage is necessary sometimes so to co-exists peacefully.

This is not a tutorial on how to set up a Google domain name, but I spent my morning today trying to help my sister Gemma who is joining us in the blogosphere, set up her Google domain name. Her husband bought her domain name from Blogger/Google, which I am not familiar of, and well, I wasn't able to help at all because the domain is not yet set up to work with her blog. It is stating that the domain is already being used by a blog, so perhaps it was set up to make the blog under the e-mail address and Google account connected to the e-mail address her husband used to buy their domain. They will have to make it work now on their own because I don't know anything about how to set it up from Google apps. A good thing blogger provides their own tutorial on how to set it all up at this page: http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=55373. They will have to take time with reading the instructions and set up their domain. If I have to do it that will mean giving me full access to their Google account. I might be able to figure it out for them though, if they can't do it on their own. I usually grasp things easily when it comes to online stuff. I can manage far enough to make something work like I did with setting up my 1and1 domain name. I set up my 1and1 domain name on my own but, of course, with blogger's help as well as experimenting and finally got what I wanted. I am able to have both the www prefix and without the prefix domain name to work. Oh, I surprise myself sometimes...LOL. It's amazing what can happen when you experiment; play around until something pops up.